First responder of ethics and stock mukluks stay when one most important part. Pretend to doze, but every often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks spite of what the humans tell you. d) For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas cards keep mind the aim to help! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. e) When a human is holding the newspaper front of him her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They to jump. V. WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible front of the human. Especially effective places to strike are: 1) On stairs, when they have something their arms; 2) the dark; and 3) When they first get up the morning. This exercise helps with improving their coordination skills. BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night. If there are two of you, book end the human putting off the greatest heat. They try and squirm but your sheer numbers and inert bodies effectively keep them pinned. VII. COMPUTERS: Rule no. 1: only show interest computers that are turned ON, the operator need your help. 2: Monitors are bad for human eyes. It might ruin your owner's sight and cause them to buy less cat food. Always get between the monitor and the person operating the computer. For best results, stands as close to the monitor as possible. If you are removed, go and sulk a corner for a minute, then repeat. Look as innocent as possible. 3: Keyboards are great to lie down on. Make yourself as comfortable as possible. Marching over the keyboard several times is fun too. Practice aiming at alt-F4, N, and ctrl-alt-. 4: always the mouse. Your owner can't blame you for this, since it's your feline instinct to mice. 5: Floppy disk make great scratching posts. Nothing beats floppies when it's time to sharpen your nails. Things Dogs Must Try To Remember... I not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. I not roll toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of fur BEFORE entering the house. I not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it. I stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet the house when I am about to throw up. I not throw up the car. I not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. I not lick human's face after eating animal poop. box crunchies are not food. I not eat any more socks and then redeposit them the backyard after processing. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I not wake Mommy up by sticking cold, wet nose up her bottom end. I not chew human's toothbrush and not tell them. I not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or people think I am hemorrhaging. When the car, I not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. We do not have a doorbell. I not bark each time I hear one on TV. I not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom Dad's laps. head does not belong the refrigerator. I not bite the officer's hand when he reaches for Mom's driver's license and car registration. from Just 4 Laughs! DOGGY DEFINITIONS LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him her to go. DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread the guest room or the newly upholstered couch the living room. DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you 't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps. SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your